Hebrews 4:12-13 "For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. 13 And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account."

All articles are written using the NKJV, unless otherwise noted! All articles are written by David Hicks, unless specified otherwise.

Will You Marry Me?”

Part X

How much do you know about marriage?

In observance of humanity, I am persuaded to believe that too many know too little about this subject. I invite you to study this very important theme as God has instructed and instituted this union.

The need is obvious. It is obvious by the fact that two out of three marriages end in divorce today (a stat that has even found its way into the “Body of Christ”). It is obvious by the advice given by marriage counselors, preachers, in-laws, lawyers, advice columnists, and by this entire like. It is obvious by the attitude of many of our civil authorities, Senators, representatives, and so on. It is obvious by the teaching that our children are exposed to in our public schools.

It is interesting to note that none of the above, including most preachers, refer to God’s word in dealing with marital problems, or even teaching in advance the understanding of marriage as God has revealed it. God’s word affirms that there is not a problem that a husband or wife may have that God doesn’t answer.

The key is: APPLICATION!!!

In our last lesson, we went into a great deal of detail concerning “Understanding”. In this lesson, we want to build on this attitude and develop additional attitudes to help us be successful in our unions.


Trust is another necessary ingredient to a happy marriage. Trust is almost entirely built upon understanding. Without the proper understanding, there will be only the lack of trust. In order for marriage to work there must be trust; trust that is not lopsided.

Husbands cannot expect the wife to do all of the trusting; and wives likewise. A fact that must not be over-looked is the fact that trust has to be deserved or earned. In other words, if one is to trust the other, the other must first be trustworthy! Trustworthiness is made up of honesty, integrity, dependability, and understanding.

If you cannot trust your husband or wife, I strongly urge us to take a long hard look in the mirror. You just might find the cause!

Trustworthiness in marriage will dispel envy, jealousy, hatred, and most fights between husbands and wives. Trust is powerful enough, coupled with understanding, to put the divorce courts out of business.

Hebrews 13:18Pray for us; for we are confident that we have a good conscience, in all things desiring to live honorably.”

The Hebrew writer tells us that confidence (from the Greek, ‘Peitho’, which is also translated ‘trust’), is necessary to live honorably. This would include marriage (all things), and mentioned as an honorable union in verse 4.

Giving and Taking -

Marriage is not all give and not all take. Unhappy marriages are often found in unions where one of the parties is expected to do all of the taking while the other does all of the giving.

A domineering husband expects his wife to give in to his every whim (apart from the understanding we have already established in Ephesians 5:28-29). He thinks that because he is the head of the home that everything has to go his way.

A wife that has been badly spoiled by her parents and has gotten her way in everything while growing up will many times carry this same selfish attitude over into her marriage.

Where either of these examples or any other contradiction to the roles established by God for a united and harmonious union exist, an unhappy marriage exists.

Another way to express this attitude is in the ability to SHARE; yes, and another is COMPROMISE.

Now, we know that there are areas in marriage where compromise will not work. The husband cannot compromise his headship and there is no way that the wife can compromise her responsibility to bear children (for example).

Where God has given specific command, there cannot be compromise; but, where God has given liberty, in areas of judgment, or opinion, the husband and wife must compromise, share, agree, and or give and take.   

The key to being able to successfully give and take is found in understanding and trust in your partner. An understanding as to why your partner wants to do this or that or go here or there when you do not approve of the idea will enable you to go so far as your godly instruction allows (we must abhor evil in any form Romans 12:9; 1 Thessalonians 5:22). By the same token if one understands why one does not want to go along with an idea, a compromise can be likewise reached.

An example: You are planning what is to be the menu for supper and the husband wants steak, and the wife wants tacos; and although this is an extremely simple example, many vicious fights start with things as simple as this. Simply agree to have one tonight and one tomorrow.

If you do not already give and take in your courtship, begin now to do so and see how much happier you both will be. If you have trouble giving and taking now, you might be guilty of stubbornness or selfishness or both!

Communication -

Many marriages are not what they ought to be because those involved do not communicate. There is little difficulty in talking about things that have nothing to do with marriage. We can communicate about everything, but where we have trouble, is in the area of talking about US!

I openly admit that I suffer from this myself; I am one who internalizes his thoughts most of the time, whereby depriving my partner of needed information for understanding.

How often do we tell our partners how much we love them and appreciate them, and thank them for their consideration and understanding toward us, and extend to them words of encouragement and endearment?

How often do we share what troubles us (especially us men, thinking that we are protecting our spouse as we withhold our troubles)?  

In all too many cases of marriages, all of this went out with the courtship.

Let’s consider a question, who says that the courtship is to stop at the marriage ceremony?

In fact, if you want a truly happy marriage, never allow the courtship to STOP!

Marriage, like a beautiful plant must grow, and courtship is essential to its growth. Now, are you able to communicate during the courtship? If you cannot communicate right now, how do you expect to do this when you are married?

Husbands and wives must be able to confide in each other, they ought to be able to talk to each other about anything; discuss their likes and dislikes in a calm, reasonable, trusting manner, rather than at the top of their lungs in a fit of anger.

Consider the example of the doctrine of Christ on behalf of the bride of Christ. Remember that the marriage relationship is used to describe the relationship between Christ and His bride (The body of Christ, the church). His doctrine allows for the bride then to know all things necessary to please the Husband and then to receive the full measure of His saving love (Ephesians 5:22-30).  

To this end, we the bride of Christ must be ready to receive His communication in this fashion, especially when dealing with the “word of truth” (James 1:18), note:

James 1:19-20So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; 20 for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.  

For all of us in the marriage relationship, this sets the properties for proper communication and the need to avoid that which undermines it!

Next: “In Our Final Lesson, Should a Christian Marry a Non-Christian?”