“Will You Marry Me?”
Part III
How much do you know about marriage?
In observance of humanity, I am persuaded to believe that too many know too
little about this subject. I invite you to study this very important theme
as God has instructed and instituted this union.
The need is obvious. It is obvious by the fact that two out of three
marriages end in divorce today (a stat that has even found its way into the
“Body of Christ”). It is obvious
by the advice given by marriage counselors, preachers, in-laws, lawyers,
advice columnists, and by this entire like. It is obvious by the attitude of
many of our civil authorities, Senators, representatives, and so on. It is
obvious by the teaching that our children are exposed to in our public
schools.
It is interesting to note that none of the above, including most preachers,
refer to God’s word in dealing with marital problems, or even teaching in
advance the understanding of marriage as God has revealed it. God’s word
affirms that there is not a problem that a husband or wife may have that God
doesn’t answer.
The key is:
APPLICATION!!!
In lesson two it was pointed out
that marriage was instituted by God, but divorce is of man. We also noted
from the teaching of our Lord that fornication (adultery) is the only reason
or cause for divorce.
Before “incompatibility”
became the general accepted reason for divorce (by men), there were three
general causes for divorce (by men). A good understanding of God’s
instructions for marriage will eliminate these, and all other causes.
Let’s take a look at them!
Finances –
God’s plan
for the man is that he should be a provider –
Genesis 3:16-19
“To the
woman He said: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In
pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire shall be for your
husband, And he shall rule over you.”
17
Then to Adam He said, “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and
have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not
eat of it’: “ Cursed is the ground for your sake; In toil you shall
eat of it All the days of your life.
18
Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you, And you shall eat the
herb of the field.
19
In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread
Till you return to the ground, For out of it you were taken; For dust you
are, And to dust you shall return.””
This
original intent and purpose is further made manifest by the Apostles of the
Lord, note:
1 Timothy 5:8
“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his
household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
From a
careful look at the intent of God, the man was not only to be a provider,
but he was to oversee the home. Note the words of Adam as Eve was presented
to him:
Genesis 2:23
“And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.””
We clearly
see that Adam recognized the Eve was in fact flesh of his flesh and bone of
his bone. This establishes that the rule of man over the women is not an
issue of superiority verses equality but of
order! This is the same
understanding that the Apostle Paul would render in instruction to
Christians, note:
Ephesians 5:28-29
“So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves
his wife loves himself.
29
For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as
the Lord does the church.”
We will
look at more detail concerning the headship of the home in lesson four;
however, suffice it to know the intent of God is for the man to ultimately
be responsible for the finances.
Universally, the truth of the problem of finances is not as much over the
providing, but over the use of
that which is provided. Until the husband renders the universal
mandate that contentment with that which is provided is maintained, peace
between himself as head and his own flesh (his wife) will not be possible;
and blame begins.
When
families become over extended and expenditures exceed income, this causes
the need to accumulate more income (I always find it interesting that this
is the course many choose, instead of reducing expenditures); which in turn
causes the home to suffer.
Anyone
desiring to marry should know before they engage in this solemn oath;
learn to live with what you have!
Plan together, save together, and live in peace together!!!
In-Laws
–
Another
cause for divorce has been ascribed to in-laws. Once again, God’s word must
be respected.
Genesis 2:24
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his
wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Common
sense dictates that the union of flesh cannot materialize if the woman
likewise does not remove herself from her mother and father and be joined to
her husband (it is not inserted here as this was written to the children of
Israel after the fact, and they understood the leading role of the man).
In-laws
will interfere in the marriage of their children only if they are asked
or allowed! Husbands and wives must realize before they join, that
they will no longer be of the house of their parents; rather, they have
become a separate home. They have separated from all others and become one!
Young
married couples should feel free to go to their parents
together for advice, and
most could use it. Parents must also realize that their responsibility
stops with giving advice;
the problems come from the fact that many do not!
Parents
that persist in giving advice when it is not requested nor wanted, or just
plain interject themselves in the lives of their married children are guilty
of failing to respect God’s order for marriage (becoming meddlers).
Part of the
man’s responsibility of providing for his family and his marriage is
protection; in addition, when the wife reverences her husband, she will
support him in a unified front and stop the intrusions!!!
Sex –
This topic
is another cause of divorce! God also speaks sufficiently on this part of
the marriage relationship. If God’s instructions are respected and obeyed
concerning the marriage relationship and intimacy, there would never be a
cause for adultery of men or women!
Sex is
a blessing and privilege that God has reserved only for marriage!!!
We have
already noticed that God has made woman for man (Genesis
2:18-23). Marriage is God’s provision whereby every man may have
his own woman and every woman her own man. This is God’s wisdom and
arrangement to avoid fornication (in all forms) and protect the nucleus of
the family.
Hebrews 13:4
“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but
fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”
It is vital
that parents set down and study with their children, the teaching of the
Apostle Paul –
1 Corinthians 7:1-5; before
marriage! Husbands and wives ought to understand the sexual needs of each
other and not leave each other unfulfilled. A failure of this responsibility
has driven many husbands and wives to seek fulfillment elsewhere. Both
couples should also be taught before marriage, what are the only acceptable
reasons to withhold these needs from their partners (times of spiritual
dedication, sickness, injury, etc…).
God
authorizes sexual relations only in marriage, therefore to engage in sexual
relations outside of marriage is to be guilty of the law of God and that is
sin!
1 John 3:4
“Whoever commits sin also commits lawlessness, and sin is lawlessness.”
Summary –
Divorce is
like many diseases; it can be prevented, but once it is contracted it is
very difficult to cure and in many cases, impossible. Thus, we should be
much more proactive in teaching the only proven cure! Many seem more
concerned with trying to solve the problems created after a divorce and
spend far less time in teaching before marriage concerning God’s prevention
of this disease.
In our next
lesson, we will study the husband and wife relationship and their respective
responsibilities.
Next: “Marriage Responsibilities!”